Joker

Do you want to know how I got these scars?

My father never approved of me as a child. He always felt I was just a little too… coldblooded, a little too STRANGE, you see? He called me a LITTLE FREAK and put me to work scrubbing floors in his roBOT factory while my stepbrother watched me. But he would say all these dirty words, you see, so I had to make sure he was clean too. So when I put him in the bucket of bleach, he dug his little nails into my face…and let me tell you, with the bleach it was QUITE PAINFUL. But luckily I got a nice smile out of it for my trouble.

Do you want to know how I got these scars?

So my uncle was a rabbit hunter. Of all of them, his favorite were these great, large, FLEMISH hares. But you can imagine they grew tired of getting hunted all the time… peace was never an OPTION. So one day he brings home this GIANT one. “You’ll never believe it,” he said to me, “I just found this one, lying dead.”
I came in for a closer look. I was a CURIOUS CHILD you see. And the little SQUISHY bit me, tore at my cheeks… my uncle pulled out his gun and ended it, but he could never look at me the same, laughing in a pool of blood, unsure where the human ended and the rabbit began.

Do you want to know how I got these scars?

I used to work at a zoo, but my wife couldn’t bear the sight of me coming home, smelling like muck, dirt, and the cigarettes. Night after night, it all started falling apart. I could see the pink feathers caught in her dress, and I couldn’t bear it. The flamingo trainer you see, he was seeing my wife. And I couldn’t have that. When he left on vacation I volunteered to take on post. I kept those flamingos hungry hungry HUNGRRYY. Trained them to have little pieces of flesh, bit by bit, and one even swallowed her ring. And when the flamingo man returned, I fed him to them too, and had to try a little bit myself. The birds were still a little excited you see, and flamingo beaks, well, are rather SHARP